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Monday, September 27, 2004


Walked on the rails,
To touch the water-filmed sand;
Waves lashing against her feet,
In a moment of sloshing ecstasy
Felt she, the warmth of sunshine
Coolness of the night,
Heat of summer
And the joy of spring.

Walked, still ahead
To reach the summits
Climbed the pinnacle of monstrous slopes
Sensed the arrogance of wind
And loved the shade of the cypress.
Smiled at the swooping flight of the vulture
Pitied the strewn body of the sparrow.

Marched ahead and forward
Toward the near-by volcano
Dredged herself into its narrow vent
Drenched in the smear of lava
Knocked the doors of frustration
And moved ahead,
To rise through a splashing geyser.

Walked now, amidst the woods
Drowned by the rain,
Moved across the human skin;
Sensed the under-currents of desire
And whispered she, to her co-mates
Who, were enclosed by and under the living skin.

She walked further now,
With blooming eternity.
For she now knew
That she can never perish.
Her outer casement might vanish
But she shall not whither away.

She shall never whither.
The universe might become static.
But she shall rule despite
The extinction of the “living skin”.
For she encompasses within
Herself, the evergreen phases
Of the coined term “EMOTIONS”.


Sunday, September 19, 2004

The last week.......

I had had experienced a lot of ups and downs, last week. Here’s a brief summary:

Monday – Wednesday: had loads of work at college. Had to slog from morning 9:30 to 8:30 in the evening. After packing up, 8:45 p.m. was the usual time to have a cup of “cold coffee with ice-cream” or a “soup” at the cyber towers. 9:00 p.m., - used to board the RTC bus and reach home around 10:00 p.m.

Thursday: had been a very frustrating day. Had classes till 7:00 in the evening. Reached home a little early, say around 9:15 p.m. I had been extremely tired, but my brother was in a mood of fun. He had started to play his funny tricks and pranks on me. Initially, I was soft to him, told him very patiently that I was in no mood of fun but “Lato ke bhoot batoon se kaha maante hain”. We fought like cats and dogs, he twisted my arm and I pulled his hair. I kicked him, and he kicked me back in return. We had had a gruesome fight; neither my mom nor my dad could stop us. But the war had to end and it was my bed, which waved the white flag by giving out a creaking sound. We had broken two of its old legs. (Had to sleep on the sofa, as my bed could no longer bear my weight.)

Now, it was my mom’s turn to raise her pitch and like always I became the “Bali ki bakri” again. Any fight that occurs between my brother and me it’s always me who gets the final verbal bashing. “Tu us se badi hain. Tujhe samajna chahiye …… blah… blah…” she stopped only when tears started welling out of my eyes. At that juncture, all those stupid feelings like “ my mom loves my bro more than me. She’s so partial……” spurred my emotional veins. I barged into the study room and my mind got tuned into the following lines that I had penned down (in my new diary)….


The ladder’s high,
The ambition’s on run,
But with the naivete lost
I bear the look of
A forlorn lass.

Mirages of hope-
Dangling around me
I know not;
Of the destiny ahead of me.

Spurring desires
And passionate feelings;
Always crown my worried mind.
Oh! How much I crave
For a peaceful paradise;
The loving land of amiable hearts.

My tensed mind awaits
The arrival of the glorious brilliance,
The turquoise vastness,
Blended with the evergreen notes of
Love and peace.

Pray, I would love to be
Touched by an angel.
Still….. , Praying with hope,
The arrival of the,
Mesmerising mermaid who alone;
Can charm the narrow tunnel of
My melancholic mind.

Well, that was Thursday night.

Friday: college was as usual tiresome. Created a new account on g-mail and joined the orkut community. Thanks again to the kind soul who sent me both the invitations.

Saturday: had to get up early for the Ganesh puja. Had a nice day and later in the evening, went to the temple with my granny and mom.

N today, I am at my sis’s place, enjoying the day with my other cousins. As of now, we are pondering over the place to chill out in the evening. The two options being “granny’s place” and “IMAX”, the support ratio being 5: 4 respectively. I am in a nostalgic mood and my heart’s racing for “granny’s place”. Let’s see what comes of it!.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

nothing much.....

I have nothing much to write. Had a weeklong weaving module. Weaving is fun. I have a lot of submissions this week and am tied up with just too many assignments. I sometimes wonder as to why I am so very lazy? The deadline kick starts my drowsy spirit. Have never done anything before time, it’s always last minute job. Wonder when this trait’s gonna vanish? As for now, gotta search for some information about textiles and pattern making. I badly wish to blog -in frequently but by the time I come back home from college, I am just too tired to type my mind out. Maybe some week would be lucky enough to have all its seven days allocated to my postings. (Wishful thinking again!). Btw, have a nice week, people!!!

Thursday, September 02, 2004

let me not tell you yet let me tell you this......

Let me not tell you. Let me not tell you about my fever. Let me not tell you about yesterday’s episode. Let me not tell you that I had laid rotten on the hospital bed with the glucose dripping into my veins. Let me not tell you that I had fainted in my class yesterday. Let me not tell you that I had had run through the tunnels of my sub-conscious mind to enter the abode of the unconscious.Let me not tell you that I had heard frantic and desperate voices of my friends and professors crying aloud “dear, can u hear me?” Let me not tell you that I did not know if I had actually heard them or I was dreaming about them. Let me not tell you that when I was being escorted to the hostel room, I had completely slouched on my friend’s body throwing her down along with myself. Let me not tell you, that this fall knocked out my senses completely. Let me not tell you, that when I opened my eyes again, I was on the hospital bed in the casualty room. Let me not tell you that I had sensed the atrocious prick of the needle, which sucked out a little of my blood to check the cell count. Let me not tell you, that I had been put on glucose bottles to regain my drained or rather say vanished energy. Let me not tell you, that I had had suddenly felt the warm love of concern and care from my friends and parents. Let me not tell you, that I felt like a princess who attracted all required attention and care. (I hate to mention “sympathy” for I hate to be pitied and sympathized). Let me not tell you, that this lasted only for a couple of hours. Let me not tell you, that once home, I had warmly accepted the explosion of anger amalgamated with the deepest love from my granny’s usually tight-lipped mouth. (“Shilpa, kitni baar kahan hain ki khana time par khaya karo. Par, meri baat kahan sunnti hain tu? Jab dekho bahar ka khana! Aagar apne aadhe paise pizza aur burger par nahin lagati tu tujhe aaj hospital jaana nahi hota.! Par nahi, tumhe to ghar ki murgi dal barabar lagti hain na. Ab sadd apne bistar pein. Aur ye rothi shakal mat bana. Mujhe tujh par taras nahin, gussa aa raha hain.”) let me not tell you, that she came to my bed last night and lulled me into sleep.Let me not tell you that I am better now and in a good position to type this out. Let me not tell you all this.

But rather, let me tell you this.

Now, let me tell you this completely and fully,
There is this particular guy in my college whom I have always disliked the most. And I strongly felt that he reciprocated the same feeling. His train of thoughts never met my rails. He is known in the class for his well-efficient snapping skills. My friends despise him and yet he easily gets his way through people. (Wonder how? Good at snapping and better at wooing, well that’s something I could never figure out.) Never helps them but manages to get help always. He badly craves for marks and he does all the possible “chamchagiri” to the teachers. Being “chamcha” is fine as long as he polishes himself but then, he’s worst because more than refining his impression, he degrades others.
He never liked my work and I seriously never cared about it. I would have appreciated his open criticism than all the cribbing that he does behind my back. I still remember my last sem. Presentation when I was forced to pair up with him due to bad roll-number numerology that my teacher had coined. All through the making of the presentation, we were pugnacious and finally I let him have his way. It hurt my ego for I had thrashed away my work and had had fuelled his egoistic mind. After that presentation, I swore I would never work with him again. He hardly spoke to me after that, except on occasions when he wanted my help. (This is still stranger, he mocks at my work and comes shamelessly for help.)As for me, I helped him only when my mood dredged towards the virtues of altruism (it was rare though because if I forgive him completely and help selflessly, I would no longer be human but fancy myself being god.)

And yesterday, he came over to the casualty wing along with my classmates and when the nurse ushered my friends out, he somehow managed to peep in. He came towards me, gave a red rose and with all sincerity in his voice and face said, “I love you dearly and want you to get well soon. I know you love me too. I have seen it in your eyes”. (Reminds me of a filmi dialogue) I knew he was serious about it because he does not fall into those funny and flamboyant category of guys who would take the first step of proposing and then wait for the reply and irrespective of the reply being a yes/no would laugh out loud saying, “oh, my god! You believed it. I was just joking.” He waited for my reply but all he received was a mocking glance. It was difficult for me to even provide him that glance. I felt like laughing my heart out. He sounded so filmi, so stupid. I bore a tough visage and I gave him the rose back and said, “u will have to give this rose to someone else. I am not interested.” He began to protest but I was firm on my stand and fortunately, the nurse had come back to drive the pain away.

I seriously do not know if I am being bitchy about this whole incident but I sense a strange pleasure. I fuelled his ego by allowing him to believe he is more professional than I am and he fuelled my ego by accepting that I am more mature than him. Well, atleast that is what I wish to believe.