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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The worst fool

It’s been very long, since I haven’t posted. Long time enough, for I have become a dormant blogger in vardan’s list. (More than a month and no posts, so, very long time indeed…).

Nothing more intricate than laziness could ever spin a strong web around my idle mind, but then for the first time, in an unconscious attempt to fare well in the subjects that would later earn me, my bread, I have allowed grades and marks to lure me into the haven of exams. And what exactly would exams mean in a design school?? Nothing more than submissions and in these everyday battles of timely submissions, where deadlines are the final blowing trumpets from the professors’ generally tight lipped mouths, I have most wonderfully displayed a gallant show of dismal performance. Dismal performance in its highest ordered peak of drooping attendance, irregular submission of assignments and all the other various factors which would later be weighed in a balance of student’s name and respective work, to declare the final ultimatum of pass and fail. And the final ultimatum deciding over with the student’s future is actually a mere and accurate judgment of the professor whose hand is governed by an invisible string of psychological beads of impression, and the amount of genuine flattery a student had imposed on her/him. And considering all these factors that either lead a student to greener pastures or cascades of sorrow, I have a hunch, that I might as well be respectfully escorted to the greatest gorges of welling tears for my superficially dismal performance in my Garment Construction exam. The exam surely, is a sad story to be retold, for the affectionate scoops of impotency that I had dumped into the beautiful recipe of fabrics, but I am confident of escalating my marks and grades to a certain extent in my design collection titled “Summer Flamboyance”. And this collection happened to be the pivot point for my friends to move the fulcrum of consoles around my pessimistic thoughts about giving a re-exam and storming the cascades of tears.

With me, pinning over to the woods of banality, I hear my friends rustling and swaying the winter leaves to allow the warmth of sun and the breeze of hope to soothe my tired mind. All around me, I hear their garrulous silence, silence that cracks my noisy mind, preaching just one sentence, “hope for the best and prepare for the worst.” And here is my mind trying to delve into the gallows of the inner truth, trying to break away from the monotony of life, wishing to run along the tunnels of despair to touch and feel the joy of knowing myself when the tides lash against me and I kiss their outrageous facets and woo them, me, engulfing them rather than the tide of difficulties devouring me…and for all this, I believe in hoping for the worst to put my best foot forward. Deep inside, I badly have the urge to fail and give a re-exam, I would like to see how much can I, push myself, from the incessant mockery that would be presented to me in its sarcastic wrapping, would wish to test my inner strength, and would love to see the quick change of expressions from astounding to sympathetic to sarcasm.

You are the worst fool”, was my friend’s remark on my thoughts. Well, I believe every person living on this planet is a fool and the wise are the greatest fools. Fools who look beyond their existence, fools who marvel in their respective fields, fools who talk crap to discover the most insensible entity in life, fools who point their insensible fingers at the mysteriousness of life, and fools who believe that there’s no life at all and that it is just the sensibly insensible mind that rules the universe. All in all, it’s a fool’s paradise, one fool laughing at the foolishness of the other. And in such a paradise, I am the worst fool! What more can I, ask for?